I call myself a feminist. I believe that people should have the right to make their own choices irrespective of their gender. I believe that men and women are equal in every way...Well, almost every way, I sometimes wonder if women are as intelligent as men after all.
Men have to have more intelligence or cleverness or cunning (or whatever one might call it) to have dominated over women in every possible way through centuries. Calling women the weaker sex, attributing physical and mental weakness, and systemically downgrading the position that women hold in society; this has to have some amount of additional intelligence associated with it. Some form of intelligence that women don't possess, right?
Now the buzzword is feminism. A tool that is meant for fighting back against this systemic oppression, based on gender. A tool meant to lead us into a world where the role a person plays is not determined by their gender. A world where women dont necessarily have to stay at home and take care of the family and men dont necessarily have to be the bread-winners. But I suspect we are instead marching forward into a world where the women are still the oppressed gender, oppressed in ways very different from what they used to be but oppressed nonetheless.
In my parents' generation, there were pre-defined roles for the members in most families. My father would bring in the money, handle most out-of-home jobs. Going to the bank, mailing letters, paying the bills, getting work done at government offices and dealing with the bureaucracy, those were all his responsibilities. My father felt that inherent responsibility to protect his wife and children and shield them as much as possible from the outside world, and he fulfills this responsibility to this day. That didn't mean my mother was a home-hen. Although she didnt work outside the home, she went out on her own to shop, drop off and pick us up from school, take us for all our extra-curricular activities. But, to the best of my knowledge, there wasn't one day where she found herself alone arguing with a government bureaucrat to get some paper work done or talking to a banker about a fixed deposit. I think she knows at heart that she always has a protective shield above her. If there is any trouble at any time, all she needs to do is call my father and he would be there for her. They are there for each other.
Now, all is lost in the name of feminism. Men dont feel that they need to take care of their wives because their wives are independent women who can take care of themselves. Women feel the pressure to be independent so much that they cant afford to depend on their husbands even in times of trouble. Under this pressure, I believe all we women are ending up doing is draining ourselves completely both physically and mentally in order to become super women, and allowing the men to become less responsible towards their families.
Because I belong to the generation of feminists, I have to follow the norms of the generation and be a super-woman. I do the shopping, take care of the bills (sure there is not much to it except setting up reminders and paying them online but there are those occasional irritating calls with customer representatives), deal with the banks, basically do anything that my husband feels he doesnt have the time to do because of his high pressure job, all while taking care of my own high pressure job. In addition, I also have the responsibilities at the home front: cooking, cleaning up and making sure everything runs smoothly at home. Sure nobody asks me to cook, I can always order food from outside but because I pay the bills, I also make the budget and know it doesnt make economical sense to do that everyday. My husband is essentially a guest in the house who will help out if I ask him to or if he feels like it. His reasoning when I complain: "we are equal partners", leaving me in exasperation, wondering what equal means.
I am pretty sure I'm not alone in this. I think posts like these (You should have asked, Out-of-box-thinking) shared and liked time and again on FB by my lady friends are proof we are all in the same boat. In addition to being overworked, we no longer have that feeling that we are protected at all times. There is nobody else who will make it all go away. There is only me. If my car breaks down the first call I make is not to my husband but to the closest mechanic, because I know that all he will do is ask me to call a mechanic. The best he might do is a google search to find out who the closest mechanic is, but for him to do that I will have to explain to him exactly where I am and it would be far easier for me to do the search myself and give him a FYI call.
So....who was saying feminism is a boon for women? Are we really heading to a better world for women?
Men have to have more intelligence or cleverness or cunning (or whatever one might call it) to have dominated over women in every possible way through centuries. Calling women the weaker sex, attributing physical and mental weakness, and systemically downgrading the position that women hold in society; this has to have some amount of additional intelligence associated with it. Some form of intelligence that women don't possess, right?
Now the buzzword is feminism. A tool that is meant for fighting back against this systemic oppression, based on gender. A tool meant to lead us into a world where the role a person plays is not determined by their gender. A world where women dont necessarily have to stay at home and take care of the family and men dont necessarily have to be the bread-winners. But I suspect we are instead marching forward into a world where the women are still the oppressed gender, oppressed in ways very different from what they used to be but oppressed nonetheless.
In my parents' generation, there were pre-defined roles for the members in most families. My father would bring in the money, handle most out-of-home jobs. Going to the bank, mailing letters, paying the bills, getting work done at government offices and dealing with the bureaucracy, those were all his responsibilities. My father felt that inherent responsibility to protect his wife and children and shield them as much as possible from the outside world, and he fulfills this responsibility to this day. That didn't mean my mother was a home-hen. Although she didnt work outside the home, she went out on her own to shop, drop off and pick us up from school, take us for all our extra-curricular activities. But, to the best of my knowledge, there wasn't one day where she found herself alone arguing with a government bureaucrat to get some paper work done or talking to a banker about a fixed deposit. I think she knows at heart that she always has a protective shield above her. If there is any trouble at any time, all she needs to do is call my father and he would be there for her. They are there for each other.
Now, all is lost in the name of feminism. Men dont feel that they need to take care of their wives because their wives are independent women who can take care of themselves. Women feel the pressure to be independent so much that they cant afford to depend on their husbands even in times of trouble. Under this pressure, I believe all we women are ending up doing is draining ourselves completely both physically and mentally in order to become super women, and allowing the men to become less responsible towards their families.
Because I belong to the generation of feminists, I have to follow the norms of the generation and be a super-woman. I do the shopping, take care of the bills (sure there is not much to it except setting up reminders and paying them online but there are those occasional irritating calls with customer representatives), deal with the banks, basically do anything that my husband feels he doesnt have the time to do because of his high pressure job, all while taking care of my own high pressure job. In addition, I also have the responsibilities at the home front: cooking, cleaning up and making sure everything runs smoothly at home. Sure nobody asks me to cook, I can always order food from outside but because I pay the bills, I also make the budget and know it doesnt make economical sense to do that everyday. My husband is essentially a guest in the house who will help out if I ask him to or if he feels like it. His reasoning when I complain: "we are equal partners", leaving me in exasperation, wondering what equal means.
I am pretty sure I'm not alone in this. I think posts like these (You should have asked, Out-of-box-thinking) shared and liked time and again on FB by my lady friends are proof we are all in the same boat. In addition to being overworked, we no longer have that feeling that we are protected at all times. There is nobody else who will make it all go away. There is only me. If my car breaks down the first call I make is not to my husband but to the closest mechanic, because I know that all he will do is ask me to call a mechanic. The best he might do is a google search to find out who the closest mechanic is, but for him to do that I will have to explain to him exactly where I am and it would be far easier for me to do the search myself and give him a FYI call.
So....who was saying feminism is a boon for women? Are we really heading to a better world for women?
No comments:
Post a Comment