"Chat" in a bus

Date: 16th November 2009
Location: In a BMTC bus from Silk board to office on the Koramangala Inner Ring Road.

An elderly lady climbs into the bus, pushes everybody aside with her “Excuse me” and “Swalpa jaaga bidi”, goes to a seat where two men were sitting in ladies' seats. She makes them get up and beckons me to sit next to her.
Me: Thanks, Aunty
Aunty (pointing to another lady standing in the bus and a couple of guys sitting in ladies' seats): That lady should also ask those people to get up and sit down. These men, you know, they wont realize until they are told that they are sitting in a ladies seat.
I nod and smile.
Silence for a few minutes.
Aunty: Where do you work?
Me: Yahoo in EGL here
Aunty: Software-a?
Me: Yes, Aunty
Aunty: How is software industry now? Has it improved?
Me: Its slowly improving.
Aunty: You get to go abroad?
Me: Not everybody aunty. Only the higher level executives get to go.
Me (tired of only answering questions): Do you work, aunty?
Aunty: I work in Vijaya Bank here only. You know the banking sector also has become very difficult nowadays. Ofcourse, job security is there but you have to keep learning, managing so many things...
Me(very grateful for the extra information): Hmm....
Silence for a few minutes again.
Aunty: You've done B.E.?
Me: I've done M.E Aunty.
Aunty(completely puzzled): What is M.E?
Me: Master of Engineering. Its post-graduation, done after B.E.(Ah! Now everything seemed clear to her)
Aunty: Which university?
Me: IISc.
(After observing the puzzled look is coming back) Indian Institute of Science, Aunty. Its in Yeshwantpur.
Aunty: Okay
Aunty: Which community to you belong to?
Me(after getting over the shock of being asked such a totally irrelevant and seemingly rude question): We are Brahmins, Aunty
Aunty(with a slightly 'put-off' look): Brahmins is a vast community. Its easier to find people for marriage, no?
Me (trying my best to control laughter and keep a straight face): Why, Aunty? Are you looking for someone?
Aunty: Ya, for my son. But we are Christians (Thank God she clarified that else wouldn't I immediately start dreaming of her in place of my future mother-in-law!).
We can go through profiles on the net but I believe in finding someone known to us(Yes, she did know me for the past half an hour!)
Do you have any Christian friends?
Me(wanting to maximize on the fun element): Yes aunty...(after a few seconds pause and observing her face glow) but they are all married.
Aunty(clear look of disappointment on her face): Oh
Aunty: How is Mindtree? Is it a good company?
Me (while racking my brains about the sudden interest in Mindtree): Its a good company. I heard it is very well-managed.
Aunty: Okay. Actually there is one girl who is working Mindtree whom we are looking at.
Me: Okay...its a good company, aunty.
Another few minutes of silence.
Aunty: Do you have fixed timings in office? You also must be having shifts and all , right?
Me(partially glad that the 'M' topic is over): We do. 8:30 to 5:30. But we rarely go back at 5:30...there is always enough work to do.
Aunty: Do you people get time to look at profiles and think about marriage? (There it comes! The 'M' topic again).
Your parents only must see no?
My son is a doctor. He is working in St. Johns. He doesn't have time only. He has a lot of work to do. (I was imagining the poor fellow trying all means to find work and escape the torture of having to look at the girls' profiles his mother brings.)
Me: My parents want to look aunty but I'm not interested right now. (I know...I lied...but I wanted to hear what would come next if I said I wasn't interested).
Aunty(with a look of shock and disbelief): Why! You must be some 25! Its high time you got married(Yes, this is what I heard many many times and still find it very funny. I always thought the time for marriage should be decided based on the maturity and readiness of a person rather than one's age).
My son is 30. I feel that its pretty late for him only, but there was no other option. He wanted to wait till he finishes his PG and gets a job. (And nobody else has the right to have such issues, right!)
Me(smile on my face): Hmm....

And then we “chit-chatted” about ordinary things like the traffic on Ring Road until my stop came.
Aunty(as I got up to leave and said bye): Bye! Have a nice day!

Personal choice - where art thou?

"Islamic group bans Vande Mataram, BJP fumes"

The Jamiat-e-Ulema-e-Hind on Tuesday supported a decree against the national song Vande Mataram on the grounds that some of its lines were "against the religious principles of Islam".
The move drew fierce criticism from the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), which termed the move "anti-national".

One group says it is against the religion to sing a song which was the source of inspiration for our freedom movement. It forbids its people to continue to sing "Vande Mataram" since Muslims are not "supposed" to bow to anybody except Allah. Another group fumes at this statement, says that such resolutions should not be allowed and decides to enforce the song on the people by putting up posters of "Vande Mataram" all over the place. All of a sudden it becomes a "Hindu-Muslim" issue.

But if we really think about this, how does it matter whether a person sings Vande Mataram or not? Why should saluting to the motherland become anti-Muslim or anti-Allah? Fine, maybe it does. It still doesn't have to be enforced on all Muslims, does it? Can't it be left to the discretion of the individual?
And then again, even if such a resolution has been passed and is followed ardently by all Muslims, does it really matter? How does a group of people refusing to sing Vande Mataram become anti-national? As it is, isnt the song sung only on rare ocassions? Why should it become a raging issue and become part of the front-page news almost everyday? Its all a political power play and a tactic to grab public attention but how many people will recognize this?

Then, one thinks, is this the only ocassion when such a power play became front-page news? Is this the only time when politics interfered in the personal choices of the people? No. One gets reminded of the moral-policing event by political groups which became extremely sensational news. The political groups decide it is against Indian culture for women to go to pubs and therefore starts a movement against them (which "incidentally" takes the form of assualt on the women which is very much part of our Indian culture, I suppose).

Personal choice, in principle, seems to be disappearing from our society. A person is not completely allowed to decide how he wants to live his/her life. At every step in life, one is faced with a set of rules to follow. Yes, there need to be some rules in society so that chaos is avoided. But isn't society interfering too much off-late? A student cannot wear the dresses of his/her choice to college because it is against "college-rules". I was always under the impression that college is supposed to educate, not enforce. Something terribly wrong and against the rules of society must be going on if a man and a woman are seen together. There has to be something wrong if an elderly man is not staying with his children. Everybody around has to interfere and know what is the reason.

Somethings have to be left to a person's volition. But that doesn't seem to be happening. Where is our personal freedom lost?

GOD or MYTH?

Last weekend we went to Thiruvannamalai, a holy place believed to be blessed by Siva Himself, where many great saints have attained Nirvana. The Malai (hill) is believed to be in the shape of Ardhanaareeshwara and many pilgrims perform Parikrama of the hill early in the morning. The Parikrama, a 14 km walk along the circumference of the hill's bottom, popularly known as Girivallam, is also believed to be very healthy, particularly because of the different kind of trees and medicinal plants on the path.

It was towards the end of the Girivallam that I saw her. She was sitting under a tree and shaking vigorously. She looked atleast 80 years old. I pulled out a coin and placed it in her hand. As I did that, I looked into her eyes. Never among the beggars whom I have encountered so far have I seen what I saw in her eyes. I found acute suffering, shame and helplessness. Those eyes made me feel guilty. Guilty that I could do nothing more for her. Guilty that I was standing in front of her. Guilty that I even existed.

All through the Girivallam path, we found a large number of ashrams and rehabilitation centers. Why wasn't she living in one of them? This is a place where Siva is supposed to reside in every nook and corner. Why wasn't He taking care of her? Why was she suffering in a place where no suffering is supposed to exist? Does He really exist there? Does He really exist anywhere? As I walked on, I looked back at her many times wishing I could do something more.

In the evening, as we were travelling back to Bangalore, the accident occurred. Dad had stopped mid-way while taking a U-turn and a speeding car hit our car from behind. Both cars heavily damaged but none hurt. There was heavy argument; the other guy was adamant that it was no fault of his; that since it was raining, his visibility was low and Dad shouldn't have stopped there; that his car was newer and more heavily damaged and hence we had to pay him compensation. At last, with the help of police and locals, an agreement was reached, and after much trouble with the car, we reached home. Everybody was thankful that the accident wasn't worse; that no one was hurt. Everybody said God prevented something worse from happening; that our time was good. Somehow I couldn't agree. If God had intentions of preventing bad from happening, why did He let the accident occur at all?

The famous answer that everybody will give to these questions is FATE. Some will even say its because of our karma in the last birth and then go on to give a lecture about Paapa, and Punya. Some people, who consider themselves more practical, will say they are lessons for us to learn in life. These answers only give rise to more questions. What is the quality of the God we are worshipping? God is supposed to have designed our fate. Is He a sadistic God who enjoys when His people are suffering? If the suffering is because of our previous births' doings, are we worshipping a merciless God who can't even forgive the mistakes done in the last births? Our religious scriptures say that forgiveness is the best virtue. Are we expected to be forgiving when God, shown as an ideal, is unforgiving? And if everything bad that happens is supposed to be a lesson, then I ask, what lesson is that beggar lady learning through her suffering? What was the use of the accident except loss of health and wealth?

Is the concept of God a MYTH that we have created for ourselves to escape responsibility for our doings? That can't be true as certain things happen without anyone's intentions, so there has to be some external force. Is life just a random game? Are we being simply being foolish trying to find reasons for everything that happens? The accident will be forgotten in a few days. Those eyes will remain longer in memory but will eventually fade. But the questions remain.

What it really takes!

Lovers believe its the final stage
People say its the union of two humans
Elders tell me its the joining of two families
But why doesnt anybody say there is more than that!

Why dont they say there's a promise
To love the other more than yourself
Why dont they tell me there's a commitment
To live with each other through thick and thin

Why dont they say there's a need
To care and share, to give more than you get
Why dont they tell me there's a responsibility
To pass on traditions and values to the generation next

O! Why dont they tell me its a new beginning
That "my" past is erased and filled with "ours"
That "our" future becomes "my" future
And That "I' become non-existent, there's only "we"

Why dont they say that marriage is
Not the final but the very first stage
Not the union of two families but the union of many lives
Not the union of two humans but the union of two souls

Why dont they tell me that
Its a painful blessing from the heart
That I wont know what it really takes
Until "death do us apart"!