Death and After

Today we got the news that some "family member"(grandfather's cousin's son) passed away. My uncle  calls up early in the morning and passes the news to us and we go and have a hair bath.
I dont somehow seem to comprehend the logic behind this routine. The person who passed away was only known well to grandmother and daddy as usual doesnt remember much of him. Grandmother feels bad and says "ayyo" because he belongs to her generation and probably bcoz he knew him well but that feeling passes in a second and then she is back to her normal routine. Dad and Mom say "oh" when they hear the news and thats the end of it. Madhavi and myself, would have probably complained that we have to have an early bath on a Sunday, if we weren't prepared well enough for it. There is no trace of sadness nor even a mark of respect to be found anywhere. So why does the new of the death propagate till us who cannot feel any such emotion for the person who has lost his life?

Lets look at what exactly would have happened. The news could have reached my uncle in two ways: either the son/daughter(s) of the person who passed away might have written to him directly or he could have got the news through word of mouth. In the first case, what purpose did the people who wrote to him have in mind? Did they do this simply because they are "supposed" to pass on the news to whomever they think belong to the family or did they really want to share their grief with people they haven't probably met in a lifetime? The second possibility is blasphemous. So we can safely assume it was done purely out of a "to-do list". Purely because thats the routine to be followed. But is that really a time for routines? Has something routine-ish occurred there? Somebody just died!!! Surely not something that happens everyday!!! A person who could walk and talk a few seconds before does not exist anymore!!! This is a time when people are lost in grief and even at such a time society has a "to-do" list ready for them!!! How ridiculous can our norms get!!!

Now the other way in which he could have got the news: word of mouth. Son/daughter(s) inform some relative close enough to share their grief. That person informs somebody else and that somebody else to another somebody else and so on. Somewhere along this line the grief disappears and all that is left is a piece of news and, because of the customs that need to be followed after getting such news, may be even treated as an inconvenience. Why dont people stop propagating the news at the point where the grief disappears. Dont they realize that they are actually insulting the dead through such propagation!!!

Which human being nowadays actually wonders about the well-being of another. Who even remembers their distant relatives. Even if a person really does recall some distant relative of his in some idle moment, he will only wonder how he is and hope that he is fine. Through the propagation of such news, even this hope is lost because somebody will probably remember the "hair bath" that they had when the relative passed away. So what are such societal norms achieving? A loss of hope if at all and nothing else!!! They were initially designed so that the family which has lost a dear will have some company in their grief. But hasnt this objective become impossible and irrelevant in the situations today where people dont have enough space in their mind even for their closest relatives, forget about distant relatives?

The World's Biggest Race

There is one race that most of us been running irrespective of whether or not we consider ourselves athletes and that too in the biggest and longest race...often known as life's rat-race. Different people join in at different times but most people do join in at some time or the other. We start by running against the hours, progress to minutes and then finally to seconds and milli-seconds.

We want to be the best at everything we do and for this we run fast...so fast that we cant help ignoring the beautiful little things that come our way. We have hopes for more fame, more money, more this, more that...and for that we work overtime and harder to impress our superiors and in this process lose out time that we could have spent with family, spent in solitude simply gazing at the beauty that nature has to offer us.

Inspite of missing out on such things, it is still worth it if we achieve what our heart truly desires. But, unfortunately, a lot of us look back and ask our past whether there was any use running all the time only to find that our past can give us no answer. So can we slow down? Can we take a path where we dont have to run so much? No...comes the answer because we have built up a society that doesn't respect anyone who doesn't have the best of everything. We sneer at somebody who dares to tread a path which is not considered the very best of all. Somebody who doesn't earn in millions is considered a loser. Worse, according to many people, if you are not a software engineer or a reputed doctor working in a reputed multi-specialty hospital, you are nothing at all. "There must be something wrong with him if he doesn't want to take up such a lucrative profession",we say. We ingrain this into ourselves and even teach our children the same.

Why after all? Why have we built up such a competitive world? Isn't it time that we push for a change? Isn't it time where everybody is respected irrespective of whether they are the best or not? Isn't it time we allow people to do something that their heart truly desires and not follow societal norms in every step they take? Probably you will say, "All this is ideal (and even idle) talk". But for dreaming of an ideal society, you need some idle time and isn't an ideal society something that we should hope for?

Its all because of ______

Why do some things just happen?Why is there no explanation for some things?
Why do some things turn out to be so unfair?

Some people are supremely brilliant whereas some cant even manage to do their daily activities without help. Why?

Some people roll in affluence while some others grovel in poverty. Why?

For some people, its always commanding others. Some others end up following others' commands all their life. Why?

Some people never need to compromise. Some others... they will never know life without compromises. Why?

For some people, problems disappear with hardly any effort from their side. Some others wear out in the battle without any success. Why?

For some, life is full of rewards and benefits. Some people never get rewarded for their efforts.

Some people's wishes are fulfilled without even expressing them. Some others' desires remain unfulfilled even after expressing them. Why?

Some people always receive help when they are in need. Some others always find themselves left all alone in times of need. Why?

Some people always take others for granted whereas some others are always taken for granted. Why?

Why are some people so fortunate and some others so unfortunate? Isn't this injustice? Who/what is responsible for this injustice? Who/what will fill the blank?

Who's weak, who's strong?

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:
"When I made the woman she had to be special.I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,yet gentle enough to give comfort.I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides." - From a popular forward


The tear from the eye of a woman which is, in fact, a means to regain the strength the was bestowed upon her by the Almighty, has often been misunderstood as a sign of weakness. Women have always been labeled as the weaker section of the society, irrespective of the community, caste, region, religion.....
But I strongly believe that every woman is a colossal pillar of strength and patience. For don't the following situations that a woman faces require immense strength and patience?

To accept the fact that a male child would have been preferred instead of you and live with this fact in your mind for the rest of your life.
To sacrifice your education so that your male siblings can advance their education.
To understand why your freedom on this earth is limited whereas that of your male siblings and friends is limitless.
To bear the insults and the rude comments made by worthless people and road-side rowdies with absolute silence.
To say "NO" to a friend who has misinterpreted your friendship, to know that you will never be forgiven and to never be able to forgive yourself for killing his hopes and dreams.
To live in the fear that, as a result of your action, someday, your hopes also may be destroyed.
To feel like a sinner for allowing the misinterpretation to happen, when, in fact, you should be feeling betrayed.
To mutely accept the important decisions about your life that are made for you by others even if you have other views.
To give up everything that belongs to you; the house that you grew up in, your parents, your friends, all the beautiful memories associated with your past, even your very identity - to become part of somebody's family.
To change and adapt yourself to your new surroundings so that you will be accepted in the new society that you have stepped into.
To abide by your husband's and in-laws' wishes irrespective of whether or not you want to.
To take complete responsibility of your children; to ensure that they grow up into responsible people who will be accepted by the society.
To take the complete blame mutely if the children don't turn out to behave "as expected".
To lose yourself completely in becoming a source of love, support and encouragement for your husband and your children.
To sometimes sacrifice your own career and priorities to ensure that those of your husband and children are evergreen.
To wait for ages together in the hope that, someday sometime, you will hear a word of appreciation for all that you have done - that you will hear a single "Thank you".
To not feel disappointed when your family, for whom you have done so much, is not there with you when you need them the most and to let it go with a simple thought that whatever you had done and whatever you will do is not a favor but your responsibility.
To live alone, having for company only memories of the past, when the one who had promised to hold your hand and walk with you throughout your life has been taken away from you.
To mutely accept the blame put on you by the society that, in some way, you are responsible for this unfortunate incident.
To allow society to decide what you are supposed to eat and wear and how you are supposed to live - things that will constantly re-iterate to you the unfortunate incident- after this unfortunate incident has occurred.
To look back and find that you have achieved nothing and done nothing for yourself in your entire life.
To die with the nasty feeling that your entire life has been wasted.

Cheers to you, ladies, for having exhibited immense patience and strength of accepting the worst.
But hasn't the time come as yet to stop showing such patience?
Hasn't the time come as yet to do something for yourself?

Can't you see there's another side to the coin?

Many a times we come across people who just will not listen to another person's point of view. What they think is right and what they do is perfect. How do we deal with such people? Simple...Dont try to deal with them. Coz there's no point trying to. They will only drag the point(which itself may be of no value) till they make you give up and agree with them. The best thing is to avoid such situations as far as possible and in the worst case that you do get into such situations, get out of them as fast as possible. No point having tiffs. They are never going to listen to your point of view and even you actually manage to make them listen to your view, all they will do is argue against it even if they see sense in it. Their ego wont allow them to accept that they were wrong and even that there is another way of looking at the issue.

What if going by their ideas can have disastrous consequences? What do we do then? The best thing to do in such unfortunate circumstances is to try other means, such as postponing the decision-making, or trying to get some others who are also invloved in the decision-making to see the flaw in the idea and listen to your point of view. Ofcourse, these techniques may not always be feasible or successful. Then simply admit to the fact that there are certain things you cannot change, certain things that just need to happen, however disastrous they may be. Why worry about things that are beyond you?

There are two sides to every coin. Each side has its own beauty. But people who have too much ego ingrained into them stongly believe that there is only one side to it and thats the side they are seeing. They will eventually see the other side even if they dont tell you. Things will turn out all well in the end.

Will neighbors ever be friends?

Today India won the finals of the Twenty20 World Cup against Pakistan. It was a close and commendable win. There is excitement everywhere...crackers are being burst...people are whistling, singing, dancing...literally everyone everywhere is expressing his/her joy in some manner or the other. What exultation!!!What joy!!!!And what a display of emotions!!!

But a little introspection shows that the exultation is more because of the win against Pakistan than just the win. Had India played against some other country...there surely would have been a lot of joy but surely not this much. Had India lost this match against Pak, the Indian team would have been cursed more than if they had lost a match against some other country. (This also asks us to introspect on the value we attribute to these games...esp. cricket...We can never see them as just games...Can we?)

We are secretly grooming the animosity that developed between the two countries and tend to display it openly when such occasions arise. In the face of such acrimony, will the peace talks, that the two governments attempt once in a while, ever succeed? I don't think so. For real peace to come into picture and exist forever between the two neighbors, we need to change our mindsets. We need to treat Pakistan like we treat any other country. We need to offer friendship, not hatred. We belong to one sub-continent, we have a common history, we have shared our past...lets share our future too.

Man - Predator/Protector

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words." - Anna Sewell

In all our scriptures, whether they belong to Hinduism, Islam or Christianity, it is said that MAN was created after all the other creatures to protect them and care for them.
We ardently follow all other things said in these scriptures, don't we? Then why miss out on only this? More than half of the world population is non-vegetarian. We kill animals and eat - can't we find anything else in the vegetarian category to compensate for the nourishment or the "joy" that we receive from these non-vegetarian foods?

We kill insects and bugs for absolutely no reason except that they came in our way. Why can't we simply push them away instead of squishing them and ending their lives? Stray dogs are being killed because they are becoming a menace. Why can't we sterilize them and leave them to lead their own lives peacefully? Animals like tigers, lions, elephants,deer,.... are being poached everyday. No law is able to curb these poachers efficiently. And what is their fault....just their beauty???

Imagine someone doing that to us!!! Imagine some superior hand simply squishing us to death for no fault of ours. Imagine being killed because we are beautiful. The loss that we feel when a dear one is gone forever!!! They feel the same...they just can't tell us that in our language...they say it in their own mute language. They being the "inferior" beings cannot understand our language. But can't we, the "superior" beings (with all the abilities that we have), atleast attempt to understand theirs?
Why can't we leave those poor creatures to lead their lives as per their will? Why do we have to destroy our nature?God has bestowed us with abilities and powers that no other creature on earth has been privileged with. We could surely put these to better use by caring for the creatures around us, or in the least not bothering them.

WE ARE BORN AS HUMANS...LETS SHOW SOME HUMANITY